Two unnamed hockey players, midseason 2005/2006
MP: “Prongs, old pal, old buddy, I need a favor.”
CP: “Like what?”
MP: “See that blonde chick over there? She’s like, totally ready to go, you know? But she can’t ditch her cousin, so I told her you would show her a good time.”
CP: “What the fuck? No way, man!”
MP: “C’mon, dude. I’ma get you back! You know I’d do it for you.”
CP: “That sack of bait? No. No fucking way!”
MP: “Do you have my back or what?”
CP: “Dude…”
MP: “Look, this chick is just rarin’ to go, and she totally won’t if I don’t hook up her cousin.”
CP: “But I have a wife, and kids, and… No, dude. I just can’t. Not with that.”
MP: “Take one for the team, man! I’d do it for you!”
CP: “No.”
MP: “C’mon!”
CP: “No!”
MP: “Just this once! I’ll get you back!”
CP: “Look, you’re on you’re own. I’m out of here.”
MP: “Fine. You want me to tell Lauren about that City TV chick?”
CP: “Now wait a minute…”
MP: “Or that waitress at Joey’s…”
CP: “Fuck off, man! You want to get me killed?”
MP: “No, I want to get me laid. And you’re not helping. Some fucking buddy you are.”
CP: “Look, you can’t tell her.”
MP: “I won’t have to tell her if you dive on the grenade for me, dude.”
CP: “You can’t be serious.”
MP: “I’m always serious about getting laid. Getting laid and paid, my friend. In that order.”
CP: “You’ll shut up I buy her a few drinks or something?”
MP: “Yeah, yeah, that’s all I’m asking. That’s it. And when you’re done with the drinks, take her to some hotel and let Little Prongs make her happy. Prong her. Pronger. Get it?”
CP: “What the fuck?”
MP: “That’s the deal, man. Just close your eyes and imagine you’re teabagging Stollie’s old lady.”
CP: “Oh, sweet fuckin’ hell…”
MP: “You’re the best, dude. You can be my wingman any day, Maverick.”