I choose to accept this theory out of sheer bloody-mindedness
So much more of the world would make sense, were this the case.
Before game one of this year’s Stanley Cup finals, Lauren Pronger found herself without a ticket to one of the biggest games of her husband’s life. Not wanting to break her husband’s concentration by bothering him with a ticket request, she burst into tears on the way out of the Oilers practice facility. Her breakdown was noticed by Oilers backup goaltender Ty Conklin, who tried to cheer her up by saying he had always liked the SUV she drove. Lauren told Ty the whole story and they came up with a plan. Lauren would dress up in Conklin’s helmet and pads, as there was practically no chance he would play that night with starting goaltender Dwayne Roloson en route to an MVP performance. She would watch the game undetected from the bench, and in exchange, would give him her SUV. After agreeing to the deal, Lauren threw her car keys to Conklin, who mishandled and dropped them.
All went as planned until late in the final period, when the unthinkable happened. Roloson suffered a series-ending knee injury in a collision, and was replaced by Lauren Pronger in Conklin’s uniform. With 32 seconds to go in regulation, Lauren misplayed the puck, and Rod Brind’Amour easily jammed it in for the win. Embarrassed by not only the fact that she had cost her husband and the Oilers the game, but also that anyone as ugly as Brind’Amour had ever actually scored with her, Lauren demanded her husband be traded. As a postscript, Ty Conklin was so embarrassed that he asked to go somewhere where “he would never be seen again.”
He settled for the Columbus Blue Jackets.