The time has come for me to break my silence, and throw my not insignificant political clout behind one candidate for the Democratic nomination. It is a weighty responsibility, and one I bear with great consideration and care.

I, Krankor, formally endorse Barack Obama for the Democratic nomination in 2008. Why? The answer is simple, yet inarguable: zombies.

There is no question in my mind which candidate is better prepared for dealing with a scourge of the undead. Barack Obama is younger, athletic (a fine basketball player, which is not itself indicative of specific zombie-combating prowess, but nevertheless hints at the requisite agility and stamina), and grew up on the squalid, shuffling-corpse-infested streets of Chitown.

Obama’s considerable oratory skill is well known, as is his message of unity and cooperation. Commendable traits, to be sure, but arguably of little or no utility when confronting a decaying horde of animated cadavers. It is in this arena where Obama draws the line at unity: his bipartisanship does not include the evil dead. No, the kinship and bonhomie Obama extends to his political opponents is withheld from zombies, an important distinction the press has been remiss in underreporting.

Hillary Rodham Clinton offers little to single-issue voters like myself for whom zombie protection is primary. Regardless of any other qualities or characteristics she has (assuming she has some), I would not want to stand beside her in a fight to the death with a shambolic swarm of murderous remains risen from the grave. She is well past the peak age for zombie pugilism, and has shown little aptitude or taste for blowing away brain-craving undead with a shotgun. And can you imaging Mrs. Clinton wading into a throng of zombies and hacking off heads and limbs with a machete? I thought not.

Obama: Change you can count on to stand by your side as you fend off a cannibalistic legion of animated corpses.

UPDATE: For a fair and balanced take on the Republican and Democratic hopefuls, see here.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 26th, 2008 at 7:08 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.