Your favourite sports team sucks. And that one guy on the team? The one everyone loves? He’s an asshole.
You may rest assured that wherever I happen to be at any given moment, it is better than where you are and the girls are hotter here. Where you are has more hard-lookin’ women than the Klingon [...]

The nickname was apparently not ironic. Scroll down to the third picture.
Holy freakin’ hell.
Glove tap: Reddit

No no, not a flying car.

I honestly have no clue anymore. The two teams that I desperately wanted to lose cheerfully complied, but I don’t have any particularly strong feelings about anyone who’s left.
Here are my picks, with my most scientifical reasoning:

I’m pulling for Pittsburgh because I own an autographed Crosby jersey.
Habs not because of any fondness for them or [...]

How to get pissing-down-your-leg drunk without soiling your trousers. Eww.

Iggy will love this one:
Glove tap: Bill Corbett

Chris Pronger, in The Hockey News (quoted by David Staples):
I heard people say, ‘You were our player.’ Not a chance was I your player. I play on a team in your city and I’m here to entertain you and you don’t own me. And the team doesn’t own me. They lease me for the length [...]