A hilarious tragedy:

A SWISS man died when he fell from a hotel balcony during a spitting match with a friend, a Swiss newspaper has reported.
The daily Blick said the 29-year-old man took a run-up from inside the room so he could spit further, but lost his balance and plummeted 6.4m to the street below.
He died [...]

“C’mon, you need to get on base here! Nelson Santovenia can’t ground into a double-play all by himself you know.”

Sure, his anti-zombie platform is near and dear to my heart, but nobody provides clear-headed triangulation like Hillary Clinton:
FB: Now let’s go to the lightning round! Get out of Iraq or bomb Iran?
CLINTON: Get out of Iraq by going through Iran!
FB: End wiretapping or double Gitmo?
CLINTON: Privatize wiretapping, then outsource Gitmo to more efficient overseas [...]

Ten great pharmaceutical names in search of a product:

Cystuflex
Pornulon-V
Bonerbaker
Stloosener
Ogden’s Zit-gone-flake
Pervdisemballer
Slits-n-Jiggles
Entitulatryx
Extrowang
Wartengorge

Keep your eyes peeled in case any of these make it to market. I definitely want to assert prior art on the trademarks, if so.*
* Note: I am not a lawyer, and know nothing about trademark law. If you happen to be an expert on such [...]

Now that Hillary is all-but-defeated (watch out for the horror-movie-villainesque last clutch from her campaign, though), it’s time to put some thought into choices for Obama’s running mate. And by “put some thought into” I mean, of course, “pull some harebrained ideas out of my ass.”
Here they are, in no particular order:

Blacula. Pros: Helps Obama [...]

Jackée
Ruggles
King of Palindromes
Booger
Mud
Buford
A.L.
Killer Carl
The Sled
The Candyman

You must reboot your computer after reading this post.

Some of these are recognizable as mimicing The Office. Others were inspired by different sources, and some were completely original. I was the main or sole perpetrator of many of them, was tangentially involved in a couple, and was the victim of only one.
In chronological order:
1. Modified my boss’s browser so that when he thought [...]

From the Associated Press:
Akhenaten wasn’t the most manly pharaoh, even though he fathered at least a half-dozen children. In fact, his form was quite feminine, which has puzzled experts for years. And he was a bit of an egghead.
….
The female form was due to a genetic mutation that caused the pharaoh’s body to convert more [...]