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The Krankor Level of Excellence: Selection Criteria

  1. Unlike the Order of Canada, it is not sufficient for you to be a moderately famous Canadian. Mark my words: someday Sook-Yin Lee and Jian Ghomeshi will end up in the Order of Canada. With luck, the ranks of D-list celebrities will never thin to the point that Paul Bernardo and Robert Picton make it in.
  2. You must know a guy who knows a guy who knows a current or former player in the NHL, MLB, or CFL.
  3. You must be able to competently (or at least humorously) affect at least one foreign accent (Newf is acceptable).
  4. You have originated a nickname for someone and it has stuck with them beyond your direct involvement.
  5. On at least two distinct occasions, you have stucken it to the Man.
  6. You smirked at the word “stucken” in the previous sentence and didn’t immediately react by hitting the Comment link to tell me that it is not a word.
  7. You are Canadian, but you will not willingly drink Canadian, unless there are no other alcoholic choices available, or it’s free.
  8. You’ve attended an Expos game and a Jays game.
  9. You’ve gotten into a heated argument with a crackpot.
  10. You’re not a commie.

There you have it. Tough but fair.

This entry was posted on Friday, June 27th, 2008 at 7:00 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

3 Responses to “The Krankor Level of Excellence: Selection Criteria”

  1. sporkless Says:
    June 28th, 2008 at 2:44 pm

    1. check.
    2. check. I know a guy at work who knows Chris Kontos. (beat that!)
    3. iffy
    4. can’t think of any
    5. all day, every day
    6. check.
    7. check.
    8. check.
    9. very probably, depending on the definition of ‘crackpot’
    10. check.

  2. Krankor Says:
    June 28th, 2008 at 5:24 pm

    You’re on the bubble, my friend. Strictly speaking, #3 and #4 should disqualify you outright, but the Chris Kontos connection earns you some leeway.

    Better get to work on #3 and #4, pal.

  3. Ignatius F. Pig, Esq. Says:
    June 29th, 2008 at 11:28 am

    1. Does infamous count as sufficiently famous?
    2. One of the students working for me this summer is the first cousin of Kris Draper (Red Wings).
    3. I can accurately affect at least five foreign accents, as well as four regional US accents, and I am fluent in Newf.
    4. Several!
    5. Why do you think I have to change jobs every few years?
    6. It’s a valid word now. If anyone has a problem with this and wants to get it on, tell them to pick up their dictionaries and come on to my place.
    7. Drink Canadian? Ick.
    8. Indeed - I’ve seen both teams at home and on the road.
    9. Pretty much daily.
    10. My record speaks for itself.

    Now, if I could only come up with the five bucks…