The Carp, who are now just two games below .500, continue to humiliate the lesser lights of the Pacific League. I haven’t been posting about the Carp lately because, frankly, it’s a bit difficult to follow via the crappy online translations. The English-language Japanese press doesn’t mention the Carp much outside of reporting the scores, and even then they always seem to be two or three days behind.

Add to those difficulties the fact that I’m often completely flummoxed by untranslatable graphics, like these:

What the hell is that? Seriously, WTF?

UPDATE: Here’s my attempt at translation (from left to right):

1. Carp Ninja prays that the BayStars mascot will get a splinter from a bat and get AIDS and die
2. Two Carp Ninjas quarrel over a signed Alex Ochoa picture when one of them pulls a shiv. He’ll cut you, beardy.
3. Reenactment of the time the Carp hired a caribou as a pinch hitter. The caribou, like Alex Ochoa, couldn’t understand Japanese so the first base coach had to convey signs via semaphore with ping pong paddles. Also like with Alex Ochoa.
4. Carp Beer — With Special Freshness Door Key Inside
5. Supervillain Lord Square Jowl wears his signed Takahashi jersey while an unnamed floozie in a red jumpsuit barely contains her passion.
6. Two guys celebrate a Carp victory by whacking each other with festive condom balloons.
7. 69: You’re doing it wrong
8. Carp fan pukes on his own hands as half-man, half-monkey creature performs the Carp fight song while grasping a couple of Carp beers.
9. Dishonoured after a shocking loss to the BayStars, the losing pitcher commits suicide by jabbing chopsticks into his eyeballs. He holds up a large bowl to catch the blood and eyeball fluid. He’s classy that way.
10. The world’s most confused Carp fan attempts sexual relations with an actual, giant carp on the roof of a small home. The homeowners hear something on the roof, and one of them thinks, “That kind of sounds like a guy fucking a fish up there,” but he dismisses the thought as too crazy even for Japan. He is wrong.

The characters along the top translate as: “Carp Fans come from all walks of life, especially the batshit insane ones!”

This entry was posted on Friday, August 29th, 2008 at 4:44 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.