When engaged in earnest discussion of one’s gentlemanly attributes, and, indeed, the qualities that characterize said descriptive terminology, I take umbridge and am incensed at the manner in which you have impugned my gentleman’s credentials. I endeavoured, as indeed I do in most activities related to the grammatical arts, to convey the relevant facts and events in a most concise and plainly written manner, employing simple verbiage and stylistic flourishes so as not to overwhelm those of a lesser bearing or intellect. Nevertheless, where one may accuse me of overstepping any sort of boundary of taste, I challenge said accuser to identify a single superfluous word, a single inelegant phrase, with the possible exception of my use of the term “boned”, which I assure you was deployed purely for expressing the accurate flavour of the moment, you see. Quite so.

The fact remains, as can indisputably be proven by the accounts of the billiard room attendant on the day in question, that the events hitherto referred have been accurately, not to say ribaldly, recorded.

It remains to be said, my dear Mr. Pig, that were you fortunate enough to be in my position, having delivered a jolly good rodgering to the comely young lady in question, you would be similarly unable to resist the impulse to admit your indiscretion publicly, albeit said admission would doubtless feature far cruder prose and epithets, not to say euphemisms, of a most colourful and decidely boorish tone.

Good day, sir. Hmm, yes, hmm.