Moderator: Welcome back to part two of the debate. Let’s get right to the questions.

What is your solution to the problem of nuclear proliferation, especially among so-called rogue states? Lord Bryll, your answer?

Lord Edmund Bryll: Right, quite right, yes. Now, unlike my esteemed competitor here, which admittedly is a particularly low threshold and should not by itself signify any especial importance, I find myself in the unique position of having a previous relationship with the mistress of the father of the atom bomb, Professor Oppenheimer. This, as you can expect, gives me an insight altogether unavailable to those among you who have not experienced the delicacy of physical intimacy with one who has seen a prominent nuclear physicist in the, shall we say, altogether. Right, hm, yes. Now, as regards so-called “rogue states”, if they may indeed be so called, I also have personal experience, having had, and mind that I do not take this opportunity to brag, an illustrious career for the East India Company, at which time I presided over the Kashmir region and fostered, as it were, a sense of rivalry and bad blood among the natives, as this was the best way to distract them from recognizing my particular administration as the real source of their ills. Yes, so, unique among contenders to high office, I feel I can promote ethnically- and racially-charged nuclear one-up-man-ship to a degree that is unparalleled. Under my watchful eye, I assure any and all that the backward nations of the planet will be hastened toward obliterating themselves in quite an entertainingly spectacular fashion, leaving the civilized countries of the world to divvy up the resources of these formerly troublesome lands. Quite, yes.

Daniella A. Apple: I haven’t been outside the city recently so the country may be rogue. I don’t know but it wouldn’t surprise me. Nuclear power is the most evil thing on the planet, even more evil than Corporations. Corporations control nuclear power though and they want a Three Mile Island in everyone’s yard! This is the way they scare the government into putting up spy cameras at traffic lights. They say they are there to stop people running red lights. Funny. If that was true they wouldn’t need to have the cameras there all the time, only when people are running red lights. That it why I do not cross the road at intersections because the cameras are there to steal my privacy and identity! Once they steal my privacy they sell it to the nuclear power companies so they can create atomic clones of people to replace them. I know because my brother was replaced last year. He came to me and told me I needed help and that I should see a psychiatric, but I saw through him into the atomic clone he is. 

Moderator: Lord Bryll, your rebuttal.

Bryll: I find that the mass jumble of thoughts and poorly articulated paranoias of my opponent are, perhaps unironically, paralleled by the confusion of sour odors emanating from her general direction, being as they are an unidentifiable mix of cheap alcohol, rotting shellfish, loamy soil, and, if I am not mistaken, though I very dearly wish I was, urine of the most unhealthy aroma. In short, if I may be so blunt, debating this woman, if indeed we have quite established beyond a reasonable doubt that she is indeed a woman and not, for example, a diseased macaque, is tantamount to rumaging in an alley rubbish receptacle. Less rewarding, though, you see. Yes, hmm, well.

Moderator: Ms. Apple, would you like to respond?

Apple: Bryll doesn’t fool me. He wants to seduce me with his fancy talk and then he can sneak chips into my pet companions for the Corporations when I am exhausted from sex. He should know that he barely turns me on so I am vigilant. We all must be vigilant to protect the environment and not have sex with Corporations no matter how much we want to. I made that mistake once before with Norwegians but never again!

Modertator: Uh.. thank you both. We’ll be back with part III after this brief vomit break.

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