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I’ve been busy, Lord Edmund Bryll has been sucked in by Twitter, Daniella isn’t answering her emails (she does that every now and then), I think Ingvar has been sent to a Scientology gulag, and the Captain… well…
True story: the Captain is somewhat based on a real person (not Zapp Brannigan, as some have suspected). This guy was a real piece of work, and every bit as braggy and arrogant as the Captain, but I haven’t seen him for about a year.
Much to my dismay, I recently learned something about this guy that has made me seriously consider retiring the character. I won’t get into it except to say that it makes my skin crawl, it’s so creepy.
In all honesty, it’s robbed me a bit of the amusement I get from blogging. It’ll come back, but the Captain might not.
Fair enough, Krankor. Hopefully you’ll get your mojo back soon. If you want to take the conversation offline, you can send me an e-mail. If you don’t, that’s okay, too.
The Bryll Twitter stuff in the sidebar is hilarious, by the way.
Good Heavens. Must I and I alone carry the water for you indolent nerds? I’ll say it out loud, then: with the exception of Lord E. Bryll, only losers get hooked on Twitter.
Folks, there’s a fine incipient discussion of toilets going on in this post. I suggest you join in before the others (you know who I mean) monopolize the conversation.
Look, not one of you assholes has eyebrows to match mine. It’s just a fact, and the sooner you come to grips with it, the sooner you can stop crying yourselves to sleep at night.
I’d just like to point out that I never had to take any performance enhancing drugs in my playing days. No sir! I reached my level of mediocrity without pharmaceutical assistance.
Listen up, bitches, I’m just chilling here in my crib, looking at all of the gold awards I won for professorizin’.
They don’t give that shit to just anyone, you know. You need mad skillz like mine, and even then you won’t come within bitchslapping distance of my fucking epic eyebrows.
I see a new open thread has been started. Humbug! You can fool all of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool good ol’ Fritz Mondale unless you get up earlier than 4:30 a.m. every morning for forty years without fail. And you can take that to the bank.
But that reminds me of that ad: “Where’s the beef?”
Hubie, you won’t be seeing much action today. It’s going to be all strikeouts, walks, and doubles and homeruns, and every batter will run up a 3-2 count before his resolution.
Fernando, now that you’ve a few months off, would you like to come work for us? You could sell carpet, keep our books, demonstrate how to WALK on our floor coverings, etc. What do you say?
In the undershirt there is a cypher. This too is a lie, but it cleaves close to the truth. When we no longer trust, we begin to rust. Begin is being but less politely ordered. I can do no wrong for I do not know what it is. Except for waffles. I know what they are. Delicious.
April 1st, 2009 at 10:43 am
First!
April 2nd, 2009 at 4:05 am
Do you know who else always said “First!” in the comment section of blogs? Hitler.
April 2nd, 2009 at 5:38 am
You, sir, are worse than Hitler.
April 2nd, 2009 at 5:42 am
Let’s all go to a bar. I’d still be worse than Hitler, but at least we’d be drunk.
April 2nd, 2009 at 5:44 am
Deal!
April 2nd, 2009 at 8:59 am
Did someone say, “Deal”???!!!
[Cue music]: Deal, deal, Dodge, deal…
April 2nd, 2009 at 12:46 pm
[Cue music, and flapping carpet samples]: Carpeteria, Carpeteria, Carpeteriahh!!!
April 2nd, 2009 at 2:30 pm
WHUMP!!!
Hey! What was that?
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:05 pm
“Sure, ma’am! Put it right in the cah for ya!”
April 3rd, 2009 at 5:18 am
“Sure, ma’am! Put it right in the cah for ya!”
Bwahahahahahahaha!! I’d actually forgotten about that one.
What was the name of the restaurant in “Breweuh” where “we especially enjoy the salad bah?” Or was it even in Breweuh?
April 3rd, 2009 at 5:19 am
And, by the way, where in tarnation is everyone? I could shoot a cannon through the blogosphere, and it would hit no one.
April 3rd, 2009 at 6:55 pm
I’ve been busy, Lord Edmund Bryll has been sucked in by Twitter, Daniella isn’t answering her emails (she does that every now and then), I think Ingvar has been sent to a Scientology gulag, and the Captain… well…
True story: the Captain is somewhat based on a real person (not Zapp Brannigan, as some have suspected). This guy was a real piece of work, and every bit as braggy and arrogant as the Captain, but I haven’t seen him for about a year.
Much to my dismay, I recently learned something about this guy that has made me seriously consider retiring the character. I won’t get into it except to say that it makes my skin crawl, it’s so creepy.
In all honesty, it’s robbed me a bit of the amusement I get from blogging. It’ll come back, but the Captain might not.
April 4th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Fair enough, Krankor. Hopefully you’ll get your mojo back soon. If you want to take the conversation offline, you can send me an e-mail. If you don’t, that’s okay, too.
The Bryll Twitter stuff in the sidebar is hilarious, by the way.
April 7th, 2009 at 7:01 am
WHUMP!!!
Hey! There it is again!
April 7th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
har har har!
Bathe in my sheer awesomeness!
So it’s not looking good for the Oil, I guess we are both looking for hot rookies.
April 13th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Comments for this post will be closed on 28 April 2009.
Nice try.
April 15th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Good Heavens. Must I and I alone carry the water for you indolent nerds? I’ll say it out loud, then: with the exception of Lord E. Bryll, only losers get hooked on Twitter.
Put that in your hash pipe and smoke it, man.
April 17th, 2009 at 5:43 am
I like spring.
April 21st, 2009 at 10:17 am
The intemperate among us are on a role.
April 22nd, 2009 at 5:01 am
Hey Krankor – you still with us?
April 22nd, 2009 at 5:06 am
Yeah, I’m around. Busy and brain-fried, is all.
Carry on trolling.
April 22nd, 2009 at 7:40 am
If you’re posting at 5:06 a.m., then the description is apt. Hope you’re staying well.
April 24th, 2009 at 5:31 am
Anyone know where Sporko is these days?
For the matter, anyone know where anyone is these days? I am fighting severe malaise here, people. Have all of you caught it too? Hmm?
April 27th, 2009 at 5:05 am
All the action is in right field after all.
April 27th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em, boys.
April 28th, 2009 at 9:07 am
Anyone seen Commander Riker? Someone told me I owe him an apology.
April 29th, 2009 at 5:31 am
Oh, for goodness sake – don’t apologize.
April 30th, 2009 at 4:28 am
No, I think a grovelling apology IS in order.
May 4th, 2009 at 7:34 am
Like the Romulans, I am back.
Comments for this post will be closed on 21 May 2009.
Nice try.
May 5th, 2009 at 4:04 am
Hey Krankor, did you know that the goats for sale in Qom are better than those sold in Tehran?
May 6th, 2009 at 6:23 am
A fine, fine open thread, worthy of visits by an expert in air brakes.
May 6th, 2009 at 6:50 am
If only Otis Nixon were still with us…
May 6th, 2009 at 9:06 am
Right here, sir. I’d have slowed down on my way by the first time, but I was just movin’ too fast.
May 7th, 2009 at 4:25 am
Rex Hudler is the fastest white man I have ever seen.
May 7th, 2009 at 4:26 am
I could eat peanuts off the top of Rock’s head.
May 7th, 2009 at 7:55 am
Now y’all are gettin’ gross.
May 7th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
Did someone say, “Deal”???!!!
[Cue music]: Deal, deal, Dodge, deal…
May 8th, 2009 at 8:27 am
Ah, to hell with it. I’ve got planets to raze. If anyone sees Riker, though, I’ll try to catch with him.
May 12th, 2009 at 4:09 am
Folks, there’s a fine incipient discussion of toilets going on in this post. I suggest you join in before the others (you know who I mean) monopolize the conversation.
May 12th, 2009 at 5:28 am
Toilets?
May 13th, 2009 at 4:54 am
Hubie always said he had me in the tank. Is that a toilet reference?
May 13th, 2009 at 9:30 am
Former pols here? Former baseball players? Former characters from a former Trek show?
Truly, Krankor, this is the best open thread ever.
May 13th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Look, not one of you assholes has eyebrows to match mine. It’s just a fact, and the sooner you come to grips with it, the sooner you can stop crying yourselves to sleep at night.
My eyebrows are off the fucking hook. Accept it.
May 13th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Anyone seen my debris? I thought I left it by the side of the road…
May 13th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
I’ve had it up to here with these shitty community announcements! I refuse to put ‘em on for ya anymore!
The Old Town Junior High basketball team can promote its own shitty fundraisers from now on.
May 13th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Not present: Japan.
May 14th, 2009 at 4:23 am
Earl, you left that damn debris in the middle of the road, you jackass. I done run over it.
May 14th, 2009 at 4:24 am
My eyebrows are off the fucking hook. Accept it.
Gentle Jeremiah. I’m laughing so hard I can barely see.
May 14th, 2009 at 5:45 am
Now that I’m here, it’s all over but the crying.
May 14th, 2009 at 5:46 am
Remember the time I puked on the Japanese Prime Minister? Good times.
May 14th, 2009 at 5:50 am
Fucking gaijin still hasn’t paid for the dry cleaning bill, either!
May 14th, 2009 at 6:03 am
I’d just like to point out that I never had to take any performance enhancing drugs in my playing days. No sir! I reached my level of mediocrity without pharmaceutical assistance.
May 14th, 2009 at 6:03 am
Yeah!
May 14th, 2009 at 6:04 am
I can’t live without your love and affection!
May 14th, 2009 at 6:10 am
Hey, guys! What did I miss?
May 14th, 2009 at 8:03 am
Oh, no! Who let Hoffa out?
May 14th, 2009 at 8:03 am
Er, that would be me.
May 14th, 2009 at 8:04 am
Hey, Krankor! I just got a cool “posting comments too quickly / slow down” message. I tip my hat to your coolness.
May 14th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Can anybody here give me a lift to the ferry?
May 14th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Listen up, bitches, I’m just chilling here in my crib, looking at all of the gold awards I won for professorizin’.
They don’t give that shit to just anyone, you know. You need mad skillz like mine, and even then you won’t come within bitchslapping distance of my fucking epic eyebrows.
May 14th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Heh! If you don’t know nothin’, get moles!
May 15th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Mind if I sing, folks?
May 19th, 2009 at 5:46 am
Comments for this post will be closed on 5 June 2009.
Not now they won’t.
Just doin’ my part.
May 19th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Someone stole my squeegee.
May 21st, 2009 at 6:44 am
Hmm… Japan…
May 27th, 2009 at 5:37 am
I still blame the whole mess in ’86 on Gene Mauch. So would my cousin if he were still around to say anything about it.
June 1st, 2009 at 10:46 am
Anyone know what the weather in Edmonton is today?
June 4th, 2009 at 4:31 am
We haven’t turned a profit since ’83.
June 11th, 2009 at 5:50 am
Did you know that Delaware is a border state?
June 17th, 2009 at 5:35 am
Hey Krankor, is all well out your way?
June 18th, 2009 at 9:31 am
Seventy-first!
June 18th, 2009 at 9:45 am
YOU ARE WRONG
June 18th, 2009 at 9:45 am
I know 100% that I am right because I talked to Rick last week.
June 19th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
The answer is (b)
June 22nd, 2009 at 6:07 am
Good heavens. I think I just figured out “Spuds.” Must go back to appropriate entry and register my hypothesis.
June 25th, 2009 at 8:30 am
Wind’s blowin’ out to right today. Gonna be a good day for playin’ the outfield. Mm-hmm.
July 2nd, 2009 at 5:53 am
WHUMP!
Okay. This is serious now.
July 4th, 2009 at 6:38 pm
If you need someone to “take care” of this Spuds character, I know a guy.
July 4th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
Anybody up for another exciting Captain Sulu adventure?
July 4th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
Takei, you dipshit.
July 6th, 2009 at 5:55 am
Takei? Shatner? Who are you guys?
July 7th, 2009 at 6:44 am
Polar bears are extremely dangerous.
July 8th, 2009 at 7:04 am
I see a new open thread has been started. Humbug! You can fool all of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool good ol’ Fritz Mondale unless you get up earlier than 4:30 a.m. every morning for forty years without fail. And you can take that to the bank.
But that reminds me of that ad: “Where’s the beef?”
July 23rd, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Comments for this post will be closed in 5 days.
Whoa! **I** decide when comments for this post will be closed.
July 29th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Cool – living’ in the past over here, I see.
July 31st, 2009 at 3:29 am
We’re gonna run ‘er to a hundred by the time we’re through, Mushroom Guy.
August 1st, 2009 at 9:30 am
Run ‘er to a hundred?
August 1st, 2009 at 9:30 am
Yes.
August 1st, 2009 at 9:30 am
But how?
August 1st, 2009 at 9:31 am
More or less like this.
August 1st, 2009 at 9:32 am
YOU ARE WRONG EVERY ONE OF YOU
August 1st, 2009 at 9:33 am
Ninety-second!
August 2nd, 2009 at 7:50 am
I thought Mushroom Guy only existed on paper.
August 3rd, 2009 at 3:03 pm
I like weed.
August 4th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
Cash for Clunkers has saved my ass.
August 5th, 2009 at 3:40 am
Cool James MacC., when the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless, as you traffic in only the highest quality weed.
August 5th, 2009 at 3:41 am
I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I TALKED TO RICK LAST WEEK AND HE TOLD ME HOW IT ALL WORKS
August 6th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
We’re closing in on history, everyone.
August 7th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
Indeed, racking up 100 comments should create quite a buzz.
Sorry about that.
August 8th, 2009 at 11:01 am
…so anyway, it’s just a fine, fine pitching matchup.
August 10th, 2009 at 9:23 am
Pitching? I’m 100% certain we were talking about hockey.
August 10th, 2009 at 9:23 am
No, dude, it’s baseball, and we’re not even talking about pitching. Kubek meant outfield air brakes.
August 10th, 2009 at 9:24 am
Huh! Trying playing the outfield under the bright sun and heavy winds of Qom.
August 10th, 2009 at 9:25 am
Wouldn’t be a problem, dude. Hubie knows his way around.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
Hubie, you won’t be seeing much action today. It’s going to be all strikeouts, walks, and doubles and homeruns, and every batter will run up a 3-2 count before his resolution.
That’s the winning combination.
September 1st, 2009 at 5:49 am
Weird. I don’t remember writing even half of these comments attributed to me or my entourage.
September 2nd, 2009 at 7:12 am
Was I even there?
September 2nd, 2009 at 9:49 am
X-Rays of Dean’s head show nothing
September 3rd, 2009 at 7:25 am
The newspaper stories about Pete Rose and Stan Musial were much, much better, in my opinion.
How could you top this? To wit: “Ha! Pete Rose sucks big time! I’ll be back! Ha! Shit!”
Such eloquence.
September 3rd, 2009 at 7:26 am
Mushroom Guy, as always, has a good point.
September 3rd, 2009 at 7:27 am
When razing a planet, I always aim particularly at Star Trek characters enjoying a picnic, but I try to avoid baseball stadiums.
September 3rd, 2009 at 7:28 am
I used to throw a pretty mean curveball.
September 3rd, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Yeah? Well, I was in the dugout smoking weed, so I didn’t notice your curveball, pal.
September 3rd, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Oh yah? After da game, pal!
September 3rd, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Horse? Is there a man called Horse here?
September 4th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
What The Insect Said.
September 4th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
NO WHAT I SAID YOU ARE WRONG
September 4th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
What the Carpeteria commercial guy said.
September 4th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
What Hoffa said.
No, wait!…er…
September 4th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
What Jan Terri said, next to that sewage pond in Chicago.
September 4th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
What Riker said.
September 4th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Yes, right.
September 4th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
What?
September 15th, 2009 at 9:07 am
Me and Leno are gonna rumble tonight, after da show, man. Pelican head thinks he can make me feel dumb and shit. No way, man.
September 16th, 2009 at 7:36 am
What Kanye said.
September 18th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Who?
October 8th, 2009 at 6:43 am
Comments for this post will be closed in 35 hours.
Whoa! That was close.
October 8th, 2009 at 6:46 am
Urg, ugh, blech.
October 9th, 2009 at 9:19 am
What Eddie Plank said.
October 9th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Fernando, now that you’ve a few months off, would you like to come work for us? You could sell carpet, keep our books, demonstrate how to WALK on our floor coverings, etc. What do you say?
October 27th, 2009 at 6:52 am
Krankor? You still with us? Allo?
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:12 pm
You gotta admit, Krankor – this just isn’t what you had in mind, is it?
November 12th, 2009 at 6:42 am
If they’d had the Turf Tamer back when I was playing ball, I could have lasted another ten years in the major leagues.
November 23rd, 2009 at 7:27 am
Comments for this post will be closed on 3 December 2009.
Don’t fool yourself, kid.
December 8th, 2009 at 7:57 am
The f*** is this?
December 9th, 2009 at 7:47 am
I’ll be posting my Christmas wish list soon. I know y’all been wondering about it.
December 9th, 2009 at 10:00 am
The Eel People have returned! Hoard your bakelite! No time for questions! Arrrrrrgh!
December 11th, 2009 at 11:23 am
I’ll scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and get sick and I can.
December 29th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Another year up in pot smoke. Wow.
January 6th, 2010 at 6:26 pm
Boy, those funny sound waves that old lady in space sent my way were a cakewalk next to the extreme cold of winter in Edmonton.
January 7th, 2010 at 6:43 am
That’s the price you have to pay to live in a city as great as this.
January 7th, 2010 at 6:43 am
The Hawk is in, motherfuckers!
January 7th, 2010 at 6:47 am
In the undershirt there is a cypher. This too is a lie, but it cleaves close to the truth. When we no longer trust, we begin to rust. Begin is being but less politely ordered. I can do no wrong for I do not know what it is. Except for waffles. I know what they are. Delicious.
January 7th, 2010 at 6:48 am
The fuck was that?
January 12th, 2010 at 11:39 am
Daniella, you’re sounding more eloquent all the time. Tramp.
January 19th, 2010 at 1:22 pm
I like tramps.
February 4th, 2010 at 1:18 pm
Inside the scary-looking cardboard box was a roll of wrapping paper.
February 5th, 2010 at 10:06 am
Right.
February 8th, 2010 at 12:49 pm
Wait. What?
February 10th, 2010 at 7:01 am
If I could see past my fabulous eyebrows, which are even more impressive than Reginald’s sideburns, I’d say something like, “ONE HUNDRED FIFTIETH!!”
But the keyboard is just not looking right.
February 12th, 2010 at 7:22 am
Do you know what I do really well? Smoke, that’s what.
February 16th, 2010 at 8:30 am
YOU ARE WRONG I SMOKE BETTER. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I ASKED RICK ABOUT IT LAST WEEK.
February 17th, 2010 at 9:16 am
I don’t even know anyone in Sports Radio.
February 19th, 2010 at 12:53 pm
Time for me to go to the bank.
March 1st, 2010 at 11:47 am
Lord Edmund Bryll sucks canal water.
March 3rd, 2010 at 2:51 pm
Cut the crap, or I’ll set off a stolen nuke.