by Ingvar Jævel

Hello again to you all! Once again it is I, Ingvar! From Norway! This time it has only been a short while since I last wrote to you all! Consider yourselves very lucky! The last time I sent my own mother a birthday card was 2006! Right before she ran off with that asshole Swede!

Today I am very excited! Last time I wrote I told you all how I joined Scientology and then was forcibly un-joined from Scientology because I made Tom Cruise cry! That is okay because I didn’t find much spiritual fulfillment in Scientology! Only gibbering lunacy! And Jenna Elfman’s naked boobies covered in maple syrup, but that is a story I am not supposed to share! We Norwegians are discreet!

Now I am seeking spiritual fulfillment at the altar of America’s truest well of religious fervour! The Apple Store! I am waiting in line outside of a famous Apple Store waiting to “buy” a new computing device that will make life perfect and also make my dick longer! Not that it needs to be!

The famous Apple iPad will change the world by giving people the ability to talk about how world changing it is! I can’t wait to “buy” one and then tell everyone around me that it is perfect and beautiful and better than any computing device I have ever owned! I will tell them this before I have turned it on! I will tell them that if they do not own an iPad they are worthless and unworthy of my attention! I would tell them that anyway but now I can blame it on the iPad!

I will update this post once the lineup moves and I get a chance to “purchase” a famous iPad! I will let you know about its important features! Like the amount of RAMS it has! And whether you can watch important things on it, like Japanese Tentacle Porn!

UPDATE: I tried to get to the front of the line by telling the “Genius” at the door that I am a friend of Steve Jobs! But the “Genius” did not believe me! Steve is going to be so pissed!

UPDATE: The girl behind me tells me she loves Apple products because they “just work”! I tell her I love Apple products because they can show me Tentacle Porn! She is now very quiet! I think she is contemplating my wisdom!

UPDATE: The line is finally moving! I make mooing sounds to show everyone how they are acting like cattle! It is a hilarious joke but nobody laughs I think because they are waiting for the iPad to tell them it is okay to laugh!

UPDATE: One “Genius” asks me if I am Swedish because of my accent! Ha ha! It is a good thing I have a good sense of humour otherwise the “Genius” would never get the smell of dog shit out of the upholstery of his car! Instead he should be able to wash it off the door handles with only a little effort! Swedish indeed!

UPDATE: I just now notice that I do not make any iPuns at all so far! So here are some for your enjoyment! iDon’t iNtend to pay for my iPad! iTuck one in my jacket and iScuttle for the iExit! Puns are funny!

UPDATE: I now have an iPad! I am bigger than Jesus! The one problem is I can’t find where to stick the hex wrench to bolt all of the parts together! Fucking Swedes!

UPDATE: The last update was a joke of course! Swedes could never make something as beautiful as an iPad! They haven’t figured out how to make circuit boards out of knotty pine!

UPDATE: The iPad is very pretty! I show it to some homeless people and they were very impressed! Better than their lame ass computing devices, I can tell you that for sure!

UPDATE: I am posting this update from my iPad! I am better than you! Also, I have an iPad!

UPDATE: Now I am taking the famous iPad to a coffee shop! I want to see if the iPad can help me get laid! If so, then Steve Jobs’ life will not have been in vain!

UPDATE: The pretty girl at the coffee shop was very impressed with the iPad! She was not impressed with the way I pointed out her many personal flaws! But she put out anyway! Such is the power of the famous iPad! To my surprise it is not only good for Tentacle Porn!

.: Tags: apple, ingvar, ipad, norwegians :.

This entry was posted on Saturday, April 3rd, 2010 at 7:28 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.