by Daniella A. Apple, Gaianaut

I’m getting to hear a lot more about the news these days because I’m in the hospital. I broke my leg by stepping on a seagull at the landfill when I was hunting for treasures so I can make art from the garbage of the decadent western social society. I think I killed the seagull, which would normally make me feel bad but I think it transfered its soul to me when it died and now we are together forever. That’s exactly what happened to Michael Jackson and Corey Feldman, I think.

Because I’m in the hospital I get to read the newspaper every day. I normally read the papers when one of them blows under the Highway 274 overpass, but usually they’re a few days old and yellow from hobo pee. The ones in the hospital are sanitized or something so you can’t even smell the pee anymore. There is also a TV but I don’t watch it because I don’t want to become some sort of zombie and have to follow Peter Mansbridge’s orders. And what happened to Knowlton Nash, anyway? I bet he knew too much.

The newspaper is full of stories about earthquakes all over the world. And something named Justin Bieber which appears to be a disease or something. Always wear condoms! Always! And now there is a story about a volcano in Iceland that is blowing up, and since Iceland is part of Norway I think we all know that someone is up to no good. All I know is that the Norwegians will only turn off the volcano when they have gotten what they want, and I don’t need to tell you what that is. I wish they would catch Justin Bieber and die.

What is really happening is obvious if you’re not a sheeple who is manipulated by the Corporations and Peter Mansbridge. The Earth is telling us to stop! Whenever there is an earthquake it either means that Mother Earth is angry or maybe Glooscap is dancing, but either way it is a big warning sign to the nations of the world to stop what they are doing and listen. Personally I think the Earth is telling us all to get rid of chemicals and vaccinations, but it could be other things too, like giving legal rights to our pet companion animals. Knowlton Nash would know, which is why CBC froze him.

The Iceland volcano turned off all of the airplanes in Europe, apparently. Shouldn’t the Delta and Pan Am and Air Canada and Air Jordan all take a good long look in the mirror and ask themselves why the Earth itself is rising up to disrupt their schedules? Now I’ve never flown before because I think you lose your soul when you pass through the wormhole, but lots of people do so clearly this is a message that should be heard loud and clear. Funny. People won’t listen. I’ve been telling them for years and they never listen to me, so why would they listen to Earth?

This entry was posted on Saturday, April 17th, 2010 at 10:46 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.