By Daniella A. Apple
So I heard somewhere last week that President Barackobama is going to stop sending NASA army men to the moon. Good! Except I don’t really trust it. Mr. Barackobama seems nice and everything, and even though he’s African-Canadian (well, half African-Canadian at least) I still think he is telling us lies about [...]
by Daniella A. Apple, Concerned Citizen of Humanity
On Friday I watched the opening ceremonies of the Olympic “Games” in British Empire Columbia. Normally I don’t watch things like this because the Highway 274 overpass doesn’t get good TV reception or electricity. But on Friday I was at the Denny’s on Fertilizer Runoff Lane and they [...]
by Daniella A. Apple, Christioventalismist
I bet a lot of you think that the world environment on Earth is just fine and we don’t have to worry about anything because there is no pollution or chemicals in our lettuce. Wrong! That’s what they want you to believe. They also want you to believe that showering is [...]
Daniella A. Apple pickets the Norwegian Embassy in Ottawa.
Everybody loves outtakes, right? No? Screw you.
Anyway, I was just doing some housecleaning on this here bloglike device, and noticed dozens of abortive posts. Many of them exist solely as enigmatic titles, and whose prospective contents I no longer remember. Here are some of the more promising sounding ones:
The Krankor Level of Excellence: The Reachatariat
Bashing [...]
By popular demand, I’m introducing a new feature that will make Krankor 27.43% more interactive and also bring us into compliance with DoD 5015.02-STD (our auditors tell us we need this to get ISO 9000 certification).
So, in the comments below, I invite you to ask any question you like of any of the Krankor stable [...]
by Daniella A. Apple, sports commentator
So I have been protesting out in front of the Walmart because it is the most evil Corporation the planet has ever seen. People tell me I am exaggerating but I will prove them wrong with my protest signs comparing Walmart to Hitler. I think I am convincing lots of [...]
Things have been slow ’round these here parts on account of the new year backlog at work, but I wanted to let everybody know about the toasty goodness that’s almost ready to be served. I’ll list them here in Sporkless-approved bullet form, so as not to incur his wrath any further. I heard that Sporkless [...]
January 8, 2009
The Deershit Hills Gazette
by Gazette Staff
A mistrial was declared today in the trial of an area man accused of stealing over $10,000 in electronics from the Larvae Oaks Wal-Mart in September. Raymund O’Toole, 27, of Landfill Gultch, is accused of breaking into the department store in the early hours of September 4, 2008, [...]
by Daniella A. Apple, upstanding citizen, crank
So I got called in for Jury Duty last month. I guess being a successful political candidate means that the justice systems recognize that I am trustworthy and judgemental, so of course I said yes even though it is corrupt and controlled by an international cabal of Corporations and [...]